The one I need

Why don't you understand that I need you to cheer me up?! Is it a devilish demand? I don't know, maybe, but I'd like to talk to you, I really miss you. I feel you're the one who can understand all my dreams and ambitions. Come on don't be such a nerdy and shy guy!
God maybe you're the one who I have to talk to when I'm bored. God I've got tasks to do for tonight but as you know I can't go for them. I need something, something refreshing. Although doing the real stuff is refreshing. Enough coward let's do it, look! Mohammadreza has just come online! he can help me! thanks God, you're so merciful!

Facebook

I check my facebook, I pretend I don't know what I'm looking for, I check his page, waiting to see some updates, there are some but none of them is related to me, I check my messages and read his message again, it doesn't satisfy me. I want a message from him or a comment on my post. I miss him, I don't know him but I need to be in relationship with someone. I feel he's very close to me. I've gone to mountain climbing one hundred times with him in my imagination. I've talked to him many times in my daydreams. He's pleasant I enjoy   looking at him, chatting with him and whatever includes HIM! God I'm bored and exhausted that's why I'm in despair and depressed.

When you face difficulties

When you face difficulties, you start to nag, you wanna change everything but it's not possible. It seems there's tight tie and you won't go to an other level in your life until you open up the tie and solve the problem.

دوست

اگه آدم یکیو دوست داشته باشه

اونم آدمو دوست داشته باشه

اینا هر دو همو دوست داشته باشن

ولی یکی خام باشه و در عین دوست داشتن دنبال بازیچه باشه

آدم باید چیکار کنه 

که هی هر دفعه می بینتش دلش تنگ نشه؟؟

هی با خودش نگه

آخی دوست جونم من و تو خیلی حرفا با هم داریم

ولی تو خیالات دیگه ای داری دوست جونم

من تورو این طوری نمی خوام

من خود واقعیتو می خوام که می دونم قشنگه، پاکه، جالبه

من ماجراجوام دوستم

تو هم دلت می خواد بیای بریم ماجراجویی؟
من حوصله ام سر رفته از این آدما
از این دنیایی که برا من شده خاکستری

بفهم دوستم 

تنهام

تورو برا تنهایی هام می خوام

دست از خیالات بردار

من از بازی خسته ام

من از هم بازی خسته ام

من یه دوست دلم می خواد

یه دوست خوب

یه دوست که بشه هر روز بیشتر دوسش داشت

یه دوستی که کتابامو بهش نشون بدم
خیال پردازی هامو واسش تعریف کنم
اونم اگه دوست داشت بگه
چه قشنگ
اگرم نه، قاه قاه بخنده و بگه
تو واقعا خلی

یه دوستی که

براش کودکانه باشم

یه دوستی که

بریم تو سایه رو چمنا کنار هم بشینیم و

 من

یه قاصدک براش ببرم و 

بگم

ببین چی پیدا کردم! یه آرزو کن

بعد فوت کنه به قاصدک

توپ پرزدار بشه هزار تیکه

بذرای پرزدار قاصدک بنا کنن رقصیدن توی هوا و

من رقصیدن هر بذر با ریتم 

شوق و ذوق توی نگاهمون

تماشا کنم

دوستم من تورو این طوری می خوام

تو هم دلت دوست می خواد؟

من از هم بازی خسته ام

دوستم منو تو چفت هم می شیم

یه نگاه بنداز

ببین چقدر شبیه ایم

Nature is inspiring

I can't deny nature is inspiring when I see small beautiful and colorful blossoms on the trees or near someone's window. Whenever I go to countryside I feel refreshed and revived, it seems there's a great positive energy generator in nature, fresh air and beautiful scenes. All trees and plants energize me. It seems they've been created only on this purpose. Thanks God for everything.

It's too bad

It's too bad when you are unable to talk to your God and ask him for some help.
It's too bad when you don't know how to call him.
Sometimes I'm too lonely and helpless, I feel depressed and frustrated when I'm dealing with a problem more powerful than what I can bare, I don't know what to do, how to make up my mind. I'd like to have a watch which can stop the time and then I feel I have enough free time to do what I wish and solve my problem. I'm always in a rush, a rush which doesn't end and seems to last forever, it's been 8 years or more since I haven't found piece. Maybe I didn't seek it, I don't know, whatever the reason is, it's driving me crazy.
I'm interested in "Ave Maria" prayer but I don't have any idea about Latin and the English one isn't touching. So I make my own prayer:

God I've missed you since long long time ago
Believe it or not I desperately need you although it doesn't seem like this
Although I've been very disobedient and proud you're the only one who exactly knows what I want

So Dear God direct me to that
To what's the best for me
You're the source of hope and joy
I didn't find them anywhere else

My life is empty and monotonous 
Don't believe my fake happiness

Yes I really really need you
Not for helping me

For being with me
Because YOU are the MEANING of LIFE
and anything else is just rubbish

I don't like to call you My Lord
Although you are the only king of the world, this name makes me feel like you're far far away from me, are you? please don't say yes

God I have nothing to lose
Show the bright side of life that you've promised or

END THIS LIFE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
Many thanks for everything you blessed me with them
Hope you love me and survive me
Amen

امروز احساس می کنم خالی شدم

امروز احساس می کنم خالی شدم، احساس می کنم حال خوبی دارم. یه عالمه برای مدیر دبیرستانم گریه کردم و بهش گفتم که چقدر از دبیرستانم متنفر بودم